Alan D. KayAlan D. Kay
April 4, 1952 – May 31, 2026
Alan David Kay was born April 4, 1952, in New York City to Jerome and Ann Kay, and passed away May 31, 2026, peacefully at his home in Yachats under the care of hospice after battling cancer. He was 74.
Alan approached life with curiosity, determination, creativity, and a deep love for people.
Alan was a graduate of Cornell University College of Veterinary Medicine and a small animal veterinarian. He was a man of remarkable talents, capable of building, fixing, learning, or mastering nearly anything he set his mind to. He built decks, barns, and even a pizza oven, baked legendary challah, sailed boats, climbed mountains, skied challenging slopes, played pickleball, made endurance rides on his horse, Cal, and delighted in catching, preparing clams, fresh crab and mussels.
Among his greatest achievements was raising three loving and accomplished children. Family remained at the center of Alan’s life and he cherished the relationships he built across generations.
Later in life, Alan found love again with Carly. Together, along with their beloved dog, Wolfie, they traveled throughout the United States before discovering Yachats, a place that quickly captured their hearts. They were married at the historic Heceta Head Lighthouse and went on to design and build their dream home overlooking the Pacific Ocean.
Alan was deeply committed to human dignity and social justice. For more than 20 years, he was actively involved with the ManKind Project and devoted countless hours to causes and programs. Among the projects closest to his heart were the Better Dad‘s Festival and Waking Up To Whiteness.
Alan is survived by his wife, Carly, children Mickey (Brittany), Jake (Audrey), and Susannah; grandchildren Cassidy, Jamie and Juniper; sisters Ivy (David) and Sandra, and loving animals Wolfie and Cal.
A private ceremony will be held July 1 on a beach he loved. Honorary pallbearers are Gareth Higgins, Jonathan Polgar, Jon Leidel, Ben Coonrod, Patrick O’Cain, Michael Fortini, John Piper Watters, Eric Belsterling, Zachari Cahn, Jeffrey Goldwasser, Brad Brock, Brian Ammons, Han Winogrond, Andrew Johnson, Bruce Noll, and Jacob Humphrey.
Those wishing to honor Alan’s memory are invited to make a donation to an animal shelter or animal rescue organization of their choice. He would have liked that.
As I begin this next chapter without Alan by my side, I want to honor the remarkable man he was and the gifts he gave me through our years together. His strength, courage, generosity and unwavering love changed my life. He believed in me, often more than I believed in myself, and helped me become a better person.
The greatest way I can honor him is to carry those gifts forward—to live with kindness, curiosity, gratitude and love and to share them with others. Alan often said, “Let the mystery be” (a favorite song of his), and I choose to trust that wisdom now. Though my heart is broken I am deeply grateful for the love we shared and for the privilege of walking beside him.
Thank you to everyone who joins me in celebrating a life so beautifully lived and so deeply loved.
Carly, this is a beautiful message. Alan was a remarkable man. When we lose someone we love, we can make choices on how to deal with the loss. Some will choose sadness or anger. Others will choose to honor the person we loved by showing kindness and gratitude. Love is a great miracle and we need more of it in this world. Alan will be missed but not forgotten.
Blessings to you Carly, and the rest of Alan’s family. My life is richer for having had Alan in it. He will be missed and his spirit lives on in all the lives he touched.
A perfect tribute to my sweet brother, Alan. May his memory be a blessing. Carly loved him so fiercely these past 5 years, and she will always be in my heart.
I will miss Alan very much in this world. I am changed in so many ways by knowing him and sharing in his beautiful spirit. Sweet travels, my friend.